Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
