Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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