Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My vagina just recognized that song.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
