And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
