She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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