the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
