i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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