I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
