i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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