kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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