hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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