We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
