OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
