she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
