He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
