is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
