Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I want to fling myself into the sun
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
