Someone shit on the floor
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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