Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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