I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
