I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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