i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
