no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
