I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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