Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
