4 words: hood of his car
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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