This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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