Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
