youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
