yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
