His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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