Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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