This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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