Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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