If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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