this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
