turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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