i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
