Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
