Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
