She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
