he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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