You can't motorboat a personality
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
