One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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