my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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