He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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