This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
