We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Brb crying the tears of my youth
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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