can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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