You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
