Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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