Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
