I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
