I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
