Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So many bounce houses so little time
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
