it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
