i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
