In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
