Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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