Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
