ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
