I need help removing her.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
