You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
