I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
