and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN