Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
BRING THE BAGELS
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
