If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
