R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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