Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize