Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
